How to fall in love with yourself…

There have been too many times when I felt alone, with only the statement of “No one understands me” there to comfort me, run with me, and embrace me. And after all these years spent in the constant quest of self-discovery, I realized I didn’t want to feel like that anymore, so I had to make a change. And as I was sitting there in that very moment thinking, and thinking harder each time with each thought, I realized that as difficult as it is for me to accept this as my Ultimate answer, the Universal truth is emotionless and unattached to my feelings of self-pity.

It is not every day I can voice with ease that nobody should be ME! It’s not always easy taking responsibility for my actions, my choices and my life experiences, and as I get older, my admissions get harder with each choice. But as I sat there listening to each argument making its loud statement, I came to realize that I DO NOT WANT ANYBODY to find my happiness on my behalf!

Nobody understands what makes me happy better than I do. And the moment I realized that, was the same moment “FLY” took a grasp of air. FLY is not a person, a place, an event, or a thing. FLY is a feeling; it’s an emotion, and a way of being. It’s something that you choose to feel on a daily basis. When you are FLY, falling in love with yourself comes naturally and unconditionally. As I set on this journey of creating FLY, I wanted ALL women, of all ages, to understand the quality of the powers they have within, harness their energies, and reshape their lives into what THEY wanted.

My mission in life is to help you fall in love with yourself. No book, no life coach, and no TV show will be sufficient in your search, if love and acceptance of yourself is not part of your curriculum. These books and seminars are – what I like to call – party favors, and only complimentary, not sole-sustaining. You need a lot of substance and a core unshakable and unparallel; and that core is what will help you jump over obstacles, overcome adversities, in less time, with less power consumed, and more energy to focus on what really matters to you.

Of course there will always be times when you feel down on yourself and insecure. But what will shape the course of your life is how quickly you step out of that box, recharge, replenish and keep moving forward. And with FLY on your side, the butt kicking will sting a little less and the hurt will be cured in record times.

I fell in love with myself on the sunny day of October 11^th 2003, and I continue to fall in love with myself with each day that passes. I live in the abundance of knowing that if I love me, that energy will radiate over everything else in my life. I love me, and I am FLY!

The great thing about falling in love with yourself is that you can start from exactly where you are right now. There isn’t some special tool you need to buy, or a degree you need to earn; there is no age limit, nor a weight or height expectation. Falling in love with yourself is what your mind, body, spirit, and everything YOU crave, right now, in this very moment.

So why wait – be FLY!

To start off, say out loud the 5 things you love about yourself in each area of your life – Mental, Physical, Financial, Spiritual, and Emotional. I like to call these FLY Highs, as if you don’t function on a high vibration in all 5 areas, your wings get clipped and it’s difficult to reach new heights in your development. If you don’t have 5, make them up. Yes you heard me right – make them up, because very soon they WILL become reality. You are not lying to yourself, but making a prediction of the near future. Don’t be in a rush, and give this time – I want your greatest 5 ever!!! What are the 5 best possible reasons you could love yourself? Squeeze that heart and give me the best heart juices that are flowing.

Here are my 5 FLY Highs:

1. I give my best to my family and love them unconditionally (rating = 10)

2. I have the ability to coach people and impact and touch their lives (rating = 8 )

3. I have an amazing relationship with me (rating = 10)

4. My body is rockin’ (rating = 6)

5. I provide financially for my family, in an extraordinary way, creating a legacy (rating = 6)

So now that you have your best 5, and I couldn’t be more excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best), rate yourself on each one. 10 means that you are absolutely 100% positive that your statement is true, and 1 means that there is nothing about you that connects to this. Remember – current uncertainty in your statements doesn’t matter so much RIGHT NOW, as if you decide to be a FLY woman, incorporate FLY in your life and live every day with a power of conviction, you can manifest anything.

If it was hard for you to make the list, don’t worry, do not give yourself any guilt trip, and don’t look TOO much into it – it doesn’t mean that you don’t love your yourself; it only means that in the past you haven’t been able to get to know yourself quite as well as you will now, making this love even more abundant, and waiting to burst out.

Now that you’ve done your top 5 list, it’s time to write the standards for each FLY High. You’re probably asking, “What the heck are these standards you’re talking about, and why do I need them?” When I say standards, I am referring to your thresholds, your expectations. This is something that’s measureable, not a theory or concept. I’m expecting myself to work out 4 days every week; I want to coach 2 friends on a daily basis, and I’m expecting myself to meditate every morning– these are 3 of my personal standards, my expectations of me, my relationships, and my life. We all have minimum standards in our lives. Living your life abiding by your expectations will guarantee that whatever you feel and believe makes you happy, will materialize itself. However, if you do not meet the standards you’ve set for yourself, though conscious of unconscious, the guilt trip you give yourself will greatly diminish your ability to fall in love with yourself. BUT – if you do not only meet your standards but raise the bar higher and live your life every day accordingly, then the satisfaction you will have WILL be unparallel!

In my family, going to college and graduating was the standard; and because of this expectation, all 10 grandchildren lived up to it. But as the thresholds ended there, when my brother became a doctor, he exceeded the curve, making not only him, but the family, ecstatic.

What would have happened if I didn’t go to college, would I still have turned out fine? Of course I would have! My reason for using this example is to show that if you hold a standard of living to yourself, the chance of living up to it is grand!!! So if we have this great chance of living up to our standard, wouldn’t it make sense to raise them, to be better, to be faster and stronger, and live the life we truly want to live? Not to say that you are going to get there tomorrow because that’s not realistic. But if you work on raising your standards and keeping them at that level, there’s a great chance you’ll get there, stay there, and – why not – exceed it!

It takes time for something to become the standard in your life, and the goal of a standard is to inflict the pain/pleasure theory. When you’re below your standards you feel that disappointing pain, versus when you exceed the standard, the feeling of satisfaction tingles in your body, right? Our innate nature doesn’t want us to feel pain, as when that pain sneaks in, a message of help is automatically sent to our brain “I need to get out of this!!!” Sure enough, more times than none, our brains will scavenge to find a way to get you equilibrium. Once your emotions are stabilized, it is up to YOU to pull yourself out that slump, restate what you want, jump in the pleasure mode and go to the top.

Here’s one more example, and then we’ll start setting our standards together. Image issues – your body and your weight – we all have them… You could either afford to lose a few pounds, gain a few pounds, or tone up areas of your body, right? With that said, what is the standard you set for yourself? Let’s say your standard is 140 pounds and you’re currently at 155. Are you over your standard? Yes you are – so you probably feel that pain and disappointment every time you look at your body. I have to say, that when I mention the word pain, I’m not necessarily talking about physical pain. I’m talking about that time when you go shopping, the time when you see yourself in pictures, that little trigger in you leaks emotional pain juice and you start to feel uncomfortable; right????

Imagine you were at 135 pounds. Your standard would still be 140, but now you are under that; how do you think you’d feel about yourself now? Put yourself in those shoes….. Feels so good doesn’t it? No pain juices here, not anymore! We were give one chance, and one chance only to live our best life, so we might as well start now. And the first step to living that life, starts with the standards you put in place for yourself.

So – ARE YOU READY TO CHANGE THOSE STANDARDS? ARE YOU READY??

Fabulous – take out your list of 5 things you love about yourself, your FLY Highs. If you need to make changes, make them now.

We’ll start with your Mental standard. Read what you love about yourself mentally, and create an expectation accordingly. There is a barometer you can measure it against, to give you clarity about the standard that you created for yourself. Like the weight standard in the last example; 140 is an actual number that you can measure against. In this scenario, it could be __________________ And what mechanism do you use to check yourself from a mental stand point? Is it through writing, talking to someone, doing an exercise? What consistent practice do you use to check your mental barometer, and insure you live up to that standard? If the answer is nothing, then that’s beautiful. Today, right now, we get to create this standard of how you get to feel all the time.

Here are some examples:

Accountability – if your standards are that you choose to be happy, open, free, determined, and judgment-free, the best thing you can do for yourself is hold yourself accountable to those feelings. By checking in with yourself at least twice a day and by being present to what you are feeling in that very moment, you get to:

1. Really grasp your hands on how you feel and what you feel emotionally

2. Reconsider the reasons you feel this way

3. Shift those emotions into a positive state of creation

It’s pretty interesting how you always hear about the importance of bettering yourself, but how seldom you hear about the thought of accountability. FLY is so innovative in theis process; it literally spearheaded the seamless ways in with you can incorporate these techniques into your daily routine. The standard created here is the checking in – if we can be present to acknowledge our feelings, we have a much better chance of being able to shift them in the moment.

Every month I talk about a new way in which you can better yourself, create structure in your personal development journey, and improve your chances at living the life you want on a daily basis.

What if I told you falling in love with yourself is the best feeling in the world, would you believe me? Take this journey of becoming FLY and I have no doubt that the answer will be YES…..

(this topic will be continued in future FLY articles … Stay tuned…)